What the Hell?
by BeagMacTire
Summary: It was one of those nights. You know the one's that are so good you can't remember. Now Emma and Regina need to work out exactly, what the hell happened! Rated M for language. Once upon a time is, regretably, not mine. If were these two would definetly be canon!
1. Chapter 1

**Having fallen head over heels with Once upon a time, I decided I just HAD to write a fic (Or at least attempt one) Apologies for the language! But it kind of works. **

**Hope you guys enjoy this! It was going to be a one shot, but it's developed into a short multi-chapter story. **

**I'm, frankly, addicted to reviews! So even if it is to hurl abuse, I love to hear what you think! Enough of my rambling! On with the fic!**

Emma felt a headache begin viciously set in. Groaning, she gripped her forehead, covering her eyes from the too bright sun coming through the curtains. She paused. _This isn't my bed.. oh fuck!_ Gingerly she opened her eyes, _where the hell... oh holy fuck-balls._ Her jaw literally dropped when she saw the figure stirring beside her.  
Regina released a low moan, before grumbling to herself, "What the hell was in that bloody punch?"When her eyes opened, she released a cry of surprise.  
Yelling herself, both women flung themselves out of bed. Emma grabbing a pillow to try and hide herself, Regina took the sheet.  
The two stood staring at each other in horror. It was Regina who found her voice first, "Sherriff Swan what the hell are you doing in my bed?!"  
The blonde shook her head with wide eyes, "I haven't got a fucking clue! What the hell happened last night?"  
Taking in her own, and Emma's nakedness, the mayor's eyes took on a look of hopelessness, "I can't remember, but I could make a good guess."  
Looking around the room Emma frowned, "Where are my clothes?"  
Scanning the room, Regina was barely holding it together, "That is a very good question."  
Something black jammed under the ajar bedroom door caught her eye. "Is that?"  
Tilting her head, Regina made her way over to the door, picking up a pair of black lace panties, "Well they aren't mine." Emma couldn't help but Tossing them to the Sherriff, she looked around the door, "Oh dear God."  
Pulling on her panties, and wrapping Regina's robe around herself, she went to the door, "What..." For the second time that morning, her jaw dropped, "What the fuck did we do?"  
The landing had been trashed, the table at the top of the stairs had toppled over and the vase of flowers which had been atop it, lay smashed on the floor. The mirror hung lopsided, and had a bra hanging from one of its corners. Moving quickly, Regina snatched it to her chest, "Well this one is mine."  
"Ah shit."  
Sighing, Regina turned, "What now?"  
Emma pointed to the chandelier hanging above the staircase, "And that one is mine."

They found the beginning of the trail of clothes at the door, where there lay Regina's button-less shirt, and Emma's ripped T-shirt.  
As an awkward silence fell, Emma casually scooped up the tattered white fabric and held it up, "Something tells me, this isn't really going to cover anything." She frowned, "Where is my jacket?"  
As Regina looked to the side of the door, she sighed, "There."  
The Crystal bowl on the porch table was now on the floor, partially covered by the red leather jacket.  
Emma shrugged, "At least it didn't break it."  
Eyeing the other woman cynically, she sighed, "Thank heavens for small graces."

Having borrowed one of Regina's shirts, Emma sat down as the brunette handed her a mug of coffee. Sitting on the sofa opposite, "Right. We need to work out how the hell we ended up here."  
Emma nodded, "The last thing I remember was..." Her brows knitted together, "I was at the punch bowl, talking to Mr Gold. I poured myself a cup."  
Regina nodded, her eyes lighting up a little, "I remember that, I came over, and you handed me a glass. After that..." She sighed, "Nothing."  
Running a hand through her hair, Emma worried her lip, "We need to ask someone else who was there what happened."  
Regina nodded, then shook her head, "And tell them what? I can imagine your mother will love that one! 'Hello Snow. Would you care to help us piece together last night, because your daughter and ended up in bed with each other and we'd like to know how?!' Oh, I can imagine her being absolutely thrilled at that prospect." She rolled her eyes and grumbled cynically, "I have a feeling they would quickly change their stance on executing me."  
Before she could register the words, Emma said seriously, "I wouldn't let them hurt you."  
Raising an eyebrow, Regina took a sip of her coffee. Suddenly her eyes widened, "Oh god! How could I have forgotten! Where is Henry?"  
Emma's eyes were like plates, "Ohmygod! Tell me he isn't here!"  
The pair sprang from the sofa and tore up the stairs. Both released heavy sighs of relief when they found their son's room blissfully empty. Regina frowned, "Then where is he?"  
"Mary... I mean Snow and Charming probably took him home with them."  
As Emma blinked an image flashed before her eyes.  
_Looking over to the booth they had been sitting at, she smiled at the sleeping Henry. From across the room, David walked over and scooped up his grandson. Turning to her, he said, "Your mother and I are going to go home now." His eyes rested on Regina, who was comfortably within Emma's personal space.  
Grinning, she nodded eagerly, "Yeah I'll be fine! See you later!"_

"Emma?" The blonde snapped out of whatever it was, as Regina waved in front of her eyes, "What was that?"  
"Memory from last night, Charming and Snow did take Henry back."  
"Anything else?"  
Shrugging, she sighed, "Unfortunately, no."  
Brushing her hair away from her eyes, Regina sighed, "We don't really have a choice do we?"  
Shrugging sympathetically, Emma nodded, "Yeah, if it makes you feel any better they'll probably hang me too."  
With a low chuckle Regina actually smiled, "Well, I suppose that is some consolation."  
Rolling her eyes, Emma cast an amused frown at the other woman, "Way to think positively your majesty."

**So, worth continuing?**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey! Sorry for the delay! I managed to completely break myself for a week (Blame the rugby! Well, don't, blame me. Can't blame the rugby... rugby is awesome..*rambling Katie! Stop it!*), then ended up going home for a week. (Turns out if I even look at the computer when I'm at home Gran flips out... who knew! *Rambling!* Sorry!) Any hoo! On with the show, as it were!**

"You did what?!"  
Both Emma reflexively ducked, as she expected the pan in Snow's hand to be launched at her head. Straightening back up, she pressed on gingerly, "Um, yeah, we were kind of hoping you could help us fill in some of the blanks."  
Gripping her hair with one hand, Snow's eyes were still like plates, "Emma... How could you... She's the Evil Queen! Primary word here being Evil!"  
Emma saw the flicker of hurt cross Regina's eyes for less than a second before she straightened her shoulders and set her jaw into a defiant frown. "Seriously Snow! Chill out or you'll give yourself an aneurysm!"  
"Not that, that would be a such a bad thing" She heard the former Evil Queen mutter darkly.  
Elbowing the brunette, she hissed, "Regina!" Sighing, she turned to her furiously cleaning mother, "Listen, we need your help."  
Emma was pretty sure if Snow scrubbed the pan she held any harder, her hand would go through the bottom, "How could you do this Emma?! With her of all people! After everything _she_ has put this family through...!"  
"I. KNOW!" The sharpness in her daughter's voice brought Snow's rant to a shuddering halt. Emma took a steadying breath, "I know. I have had the anti-Regina rant more times than I can count; I know the damned spiel by heart! So just give it a damned rest, okay? Just... try and picture it was someone else, or whatever the hell else you need to do to cope, and help us... me... us."  
Though her stoic expression didn't show it, the older woman was taken aback by the ferocity with which the Savoir had come to her defence.  
Snow White's head lowered, "Okay, I'll tell you what I know. But it isn't much, Charming and I left early with Henry... OHMYGOD! What is Henry going to think?!" Aaaand she was off again.  
Emma rolled her eyes, and went to speak; but Regina beat her to the line, "Our son will not be finding out anything, unless Miss Swan and I deem it best for him. For your own sake, I would suggest you keep this information to yourself; or risk damaging your Grandson's happiness."  
As Snow looked into her former step-mother's eyes, she could feel the weight of her words. The old feeling of guilt that had plagued her since finding out about her unwitting part in Daniel's fate, swelled in the pit of her stomach. Looking down, she nodded meekly, "I won't say a word."  
Regina's persona was unlike anything Emma had seen from her before, it carried all the grace elegance and power she had come accustomed to associating with the former mayor, but there was a hint of hurt and vulnerability in her voice; which seemed to hit both her and her mother like a hammer.  
Nodding, Snow began, "Well, it all seemed to be going fine, I didn't notice anything at the party... well, not until the pair of you got drunk."  
Sitting on the sofa, Regina and Emma faced her mother, "We got drunk?"  
Regina frowned, "I wasn't drinking. The Punch was non-alcoholic; and I can only remember having one glass."  
Snow looked puzzled, "Now that you mention it, I didn't really see either of you with a drink, you were just... more giggly than usual. Emma you came to sit with us, but you couldn't keep still you were up dancing for most of the night. You too Regina, I didn't even know you knew how to Gangam style."  
Face flushing red, the brunette pinched the bridge of her nose, "Nor did I."  
Both sets of eyes flashed to Emma as the savoir lost control and released a bout of uncontrollable laughter, "You... Gangam... BaHAHAHAHA!"  
Jaw tight, Regina growled, "When you are quite finished Miss Swan."  
Using a cough to conceal a chuckle, Snow nodded, "Um, well yes, anyway. You two seemed to be having a tense conversation when we noticed Henry was asleep. I sent your father over because I had a feeling I'd only make the situation worse. Anyway, we left after that; so that's all I know."  
Sighing, Emma ran a hand through her hair, "Were we arguing? I can vaguely remember speaking to David. But I can't remember being angry, if anything I was..." She cut herself off quickly, Snow paled even further and one of Regina's eyebrows shot up. "Urm, I can't remember being angry... that's all." Standing, she tried to ignore the look of mortification on her mother's face, "Um we should..."  
"Go, yes." Regina stood, "That would seem wise Miss Swan."  
"Um, good... Who else was there all night, that we could talk to?"  
Snow answered absentmindedly, "Ruby..." A frown returned to her features as Emma hugged her goodbye, "Emma, where is your bra?"  
As she walked out of the door, Regina tossed casually over her shoulder, "I believe it is still hanging from my chandelier."  
Emma was sure her mother was about to pass out. Hurrying out after Regina, she met up with the smug brunette outside, "Really?"  
Shrugging, Regina climbed into her car, "What? I only wish I had, had a camera to capture the look on her face."  
Getting into the passenger side, Emma grumbled, "Giving my mother a heart attack won't exactly help your popularity around here."  
Without thinking, Regina laughed, "Who would have guessed the way to defeat Snow White was to sleep with her daughter. I can't say that's exactly what I pictured when I enacted the curse."  
Looking out of the window, Emma feigned apathy, "Glad to have been of service."  
For some reason, Regina felt herself feeling guilt. "I'm sorry." The words seemed foreign on her tongue, "I didn't mean that."  
Nodding, Emma replied softly, "I know."  
Her gut instinct was to make a scathing remark to disperse the comfortable affection, but instead she found herself saying, "Thank you. For standing up to your mother for me."  
Running her hand through her long blonde hair, Emma sighed, "You've done bad things in your past Regina. But whether or not my mother and the rest of this town want to believe it, you have changed. You're a damned good mother to Henry, and from what I can see you are genuinely trying to be a better person. You don't deserve the amount of shit you get."  
Turning her eyes to the road as she pulled out, Regina subtly took a deep breath; suppressing the tears trying to escape her.

**I am always keen to hear what you guys are thinking about it! I was bowled over by the response I got to the first chapter! Your reviews really do brighten my day!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Again apologies for the delay! Uni work and Rugby, as always, own my life! I hope you are all still enjoying the story. **

**Oh, and if you're interested I have a new OUAT fic just out, called "A Debt Owed, A Life Given." Which is a bit heavier than this, but hey! On with the show... well fic! **

**Hope you enjoy it! And please feel more than free to leave me a review! I love to hear your thoughts on it!**

When the pair walked into Granny's, Ruby practically hurdled the bar to get to them. Her eyes darted between them, "Back room; now!" Grabbing the Sheriff's wrist, who in turn reached for Regina, the werewolf dragged the two women into the back yelling, "Granny! Can you keep an eye on the bar for a minute."  
The Old woman began to grumble, until she caught sight of who her granddaughter was with, "Yes, that's fine. Go."

Closing the door behind them, Ruby spun with wide eyes, "What the hell was with you guys last night?!"  
Glancing to Regina, who had her mask firmly in place, Emma replied, "We were kinda hoping you could tell us."  
Adjusting her apron, Red seemed uncomfortable, "Well, you were both... friendlier than normal. I mean, Regina, you even said hi to me, and asked me to show you how to do the Macarena."  
For the second time that day, Emma found herself releasing a bark of laughter, but before they went completely out of control, Regina growled, "Can we focus?"  
Chortling, Emma took a deep breath, "Sure." Wiping tear away, Emma asked with a shaky voice, "So, aside from Regina's dancing, what else was unusual about the night?"  
At this Red looked somewhat sheepish (an impressive feat for a wolf), "Um, Regina and you seemed to be having a kinda intense conversation. Then you dragged her outside. I'm pretty sure I'm the only one who noticed. I went out, just in case you know..." Green eyes were cast guiltily towards the floor.  
"In case I used magic to hurt her." Regina finished wearily.  
Red nodded apologetically, "Yeah... I'm sorry, it's just..."  
"I am aware of my reputation Miss Lucas, it is not entirely unfounded. If you would please continue."  
"Right, um... Well... You two were outside... But you weren't arguing."  
Emma could already feel the blush creeping up her neck to her cheeks, "Oh?"  
"Youguysweremakingoutinthestr eetthenyoumagickedyourselfaw ay."  
Regina blinked hard, "I beg your pardon?"  
Taking a breath, Red was afraid the shocked queen might turn her into a Chihuahua or something, "I caught you guys making out. Then you grabbed Emma's hand, and you both disappeared in that purple-smoke-teleport-thing you do."  
Emma's throat was dry, as she croaked, "Do you know what caused it?"  
"No, sorry, though you had been making eyes all evening. I know you guys have that smouldery angry eye sex all the time, but last night it was different."  
Regina's eyebrows flew up, "We have what?"  
Emma was only capable of a fish out of water impression as Red, seemingly oblivious to the danger continued, "You know, when you guys square up with each other. Take it from a wolf, I know teeth baring and warning growls when I see them. But whenever you guys do it, it looks like it's a coin toss between you want to rip each other apart or rip each other's clothes off." Her eyes widened, "Ohmygod! Emma! How the hell is Snow going to react?! She'll blow a gasket!"  
Regina muttered, "She did."  
"She knows!"  
Emma nodded sheepishly, "Yeah, we went to her first to try and piece together what happened."  
With an exasperated groan, Red face palmed, "Emma, never go to your parents first! You should have come straight here and avoided having to tell your mother that you made out with the evil queen! No offence."  
Regina only quirked an eyebrow in response. Emma if Emma looked sheepish before, she looked as if she wanted the ground to swallow her up.  
Red picked up on the body language immediately, "Emma? Is there something else going on here?" She paused, "Wait... Where did you guys go after you 'poofed' away?"  
Straightening, Regina fixed the young woman in a lethal glare, "That is none of your concern miss Lucas."  
Red's bright green eyes flew wide, "Oh. My. God! You two totally did it didn't you!" She paused, before winking at the sheriff, "Emma, you dog."  
Before she was conscious of the action, Emma had placed herself slightly between Regina and Red. Neither the werewolf nor the former Evil queen missed the unconsciously protective gesture.  
Raising her hands slightly, Red backed off, "Okay! Okay! None of my business I know." She shrugged, "I don't know what it was you were drinking, but it certainly fried whatever it was keeping you guys apart."  
Regina paused, "Wait... What did you just say?"  
"Just that you two always seem to be on some kinda leash that stops you getting too close. Like you're tied up at opposite ends of a yard, and your chains are just too short to actually let you guys at each other- be that to fight or... you know."  
This gave the sheriff pause. Ruby was right. There had been times when she had felt like she and Regina were like two lionesses facing off, exchanging snarls, but never quite able to do proper damage despite how hard they tried. But the same was true with the softer side of Regina. Emma knew the woman was capable of softness and compassion, but it was a side she could never reach, she could see it from the outside, watching her with Henry; but it was a world she could never quite reach.  
Regina shook her head, but there was a tremor of something strange in her tone, "I didn't mean that... I... We, I wasn't drinking; all we had was a glass of..." Her eyes widened, "How could I have been so stupid! The punch!"  
Emma snapped out of her daze, "Uh, whut?"  
Rolling her eyes, Regina turned to Red, "Do you have any of the punch left?"  
She shook her head, "No, sorry. The bowl got knocked over and broke quite early on in the night."  
"You think the punch was tampered with?"  
Nodding, the ebony haired woman began to pace, "Yes. But by whom?"

**Hey! Hope you guys are still enjoying it! As always I love reading your reviews! (I'm a bit addicted to them in fairness!) The next chapter should round it up!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Hey guys! Sorry for the delay, life has been crazy busy and I've barely had time to turn around!**

**Hope you guys are still enjoying it, despite my chronic updates! **

**As always I love to know what you think! **

Pacing back and forth, Regina came to a sudden halt, "Stiltskin. He was beside the punch bowl, you were speaking to him."  
Emma nodded, "I have a feeling if anyone is involved, it'll be him."  
Red had left the two alone, and gone back to tend the bar. Regina ran a hand through her hair, "Why have I got a feeling the whole town is going to know what happened before we reach the bottom of this?"  
Emma offered a soft smile as reassurance, "Hey, Red won't say anything, and you know my mother won't!"  
Sighing, she nodded, "That is something I suppose."  
"Um Regina?"  
Pulling herself from her thoughts, she turned to the blonde, "Mmm?"  
"Uh... Never mind, doesn't matter. Let's go see Gold."  
Nerves frayed, and feeling her patience running out, Regina snapped, "What is wrong Emma? You've been acting like you're sitting on a nest of ants since we went to your mother's. There is clearly something on your mind, so would you do us both a favour and get it off your chest?" Seeing the alarm on the blonde's face, she softened her voice, "Please. What is wrong?"  
"It's just... something has been bugging me."  
"What's that?"  
Pausing, Emma felt her jaw tighten and words die. It took her a moment to choke, "It's just... We trashed your house... But we... I mean we haven't..."  
"Spit it out Miss Swan."  
Sighing, Emma could feel her cheeks reddening, "I haven't even got a hickey."  
"Oh."  
"Yeah."  
Coughing awkwardly, Regina looked away, "Yes well... Small graces and all that."

By the time they reached Gold's shop, Regina was practically blowing smoke. Stopping the car, Emma reached out to stop the older woman charging off. "Wait. Just hold it a minute. If you go in there all guns blazing, Gold is just going to find it funny. We need to calm down before we go in there."  
It was startling how much the blonde's steady voice brought her back down to level. Taking a breath, she nodded, "Okay." Looking over, she allowed the severity to leave her expression, "Okay."  
Pausing, Emma asked tentatively, "Maybe this happened for a reason."  
"Well, I imagine the imp would have had some ulterior motive he generally..."  
"No, I meant... Maybe this hasn't been such a bad thing."  
Regina frowned, "I don't follow."  
"Well... It's got us working together, and aside from the initial shock, we haven't really argued. Which is, frankly, a miracle."  
Rolling her eyes, Regina sighed, "You have been spending too much time with those damned parents of yours. Next thing you'll be saying is that Ruby and Belle are made for each other."  
Emma paused, "Well... they kinda... are."  
Chuckling, Regina nodded, "I suppose you're right. Miss Lucas does have the habit of turning into a puppy dog when she is around. Just don't let Rumplestiltskin hear you talking about it."  
Going for the door handle, Emma muttered, "Way to change the topic Regina."

"Well if it isn't the Swanqueen."  
Regina pulled up short, "The what?"  
Gold allowed an amused grin to cross his features, "Didn't you know that is what people call you?"  
Emma looked completely baffled, "People... what?"  
Chuckling, he resumed polishing a brass cup on the counter, "Oh people have been placing bets on you two getting together since before the curse broke; though the queen used to be a metaphor." Placing the cup back into the glass cabinet, he asked casually, "How was your tiff the last night?"  
Regina bit straight away, "How do you know about that?!"  
Chuckling, he frowned, "Hmm, though I did expect one of you to have at least a black eye; the altercation mustn't have become physical."  
Regina was just about to yell some kind of comeback, when she came to a shuddering halt, "Wait... What do you think happened?"  
Nodding, Emma walked to her side, "Why would one of us have a black eye?"  
A frown replaced his grin, "Did you not end up having some kind of confrontation during the evening?"  
Carefully choosing her words, Regina replied, "Not particularly, something happened; but we didn't fight par se."  
All heads turned to the door as Belle walked in. The librarian paused, seeing the pair she smirked, as she passed Rumple she whispered, "You owe me fifty dollars." Before pecking him on the cheek.  
The dark one's eyes nearly popped out of their sockets, "Oooh! Well now, I must say that was unexpected."  
Regina's expression was one of serene rage, and her voice came out sickly sweet, "Emma, please remind me to turn Miss Lucas into a fur coat the next time I see her."  
"Not if I get to her first."  
The pair caught eyes, and fell into easy grins.  
Gold coughing awkwardly snapped them out of it, "Excuse me, was there a reason you came in here other than to oogle each other?"  
Regina turned with a growl, "Yes, I want to know what you did to the punch."  
Chuckling, he shrugged, "I had tried to create trouble by causing you two lovely ladies to have a fight at the party. But it would seem you reacted to the potion_ differently_ than expected."  
Emma was starting to lose her temper now too, "What did you put in the punch Gold?"  
"Just a truth potion deary." Turning to the cabinet behind him, he plucked a half empty vial from its holder."  
Regina recoiled, "Truth potion! But that..."  
Leaning forward, turning the tiny bottle between his fingers, he grinned, "Yes deary, it removes your inhibitions, and makes you act entirely honest to the first person you see after you drink it."  
Emma could only gape, "But, but..."  
"Hmm, I wonder." Before the Sherriff could react, Gold threw a ball of purple smoke at her face.  
Coughing, she tried to waft it away.  
"Emma!" Regina only just managed to catch the blonde as she lost consciousness. Lowering her to the floor, she snarled up at Gold, "What did you do?!  
Leaning over the counter, he replied, "Testing a theory; it's just a sleeping curse deary."  
"What?!" Regina looked down at the young woman in her arms, "Why would you curse her now?! How are we going to wake her..."  
"Not we deary; you."  
Regina's voice was venomous when she snapped, "What are you talking about? I can't wake her, only true lo... oh."  
Grinning at the look of realisation on Regina's face, he wished he had a camera to hand. "Well then deary, times a'wasting."  
"You're being ridiculous! I can't wake her!"  
Rolling his eyes, he shrugged, "Now, you never know till you try!"  
Pausing, she glared at him, "Leave."  
"As you wish." Turning with a flourish, he went into the back.  
Looking down on the Sherriff, Regina moved some of the unruly blonde hair away from Emma's face. "This isn't going to work. I apologise in advance." Carefully, she lowered her head and captured Emma's lips. Pausing a moment, curious as to the new feeling spreading through her chest, she gasped in fright when Emma's eyes opened.


End file.
